The world is an increasingly complicated place and motherhood faces bigger and more demanding challenges. It is no longer just about educating children to be responsible of their tasks and respect adults as we have always been taught.
Today more than ever it is very important to focus on one emotionally intelligent motherhood to raise children with good values but above all, capable of facing the world with empathy and a deeper understanding.
Like moms we want our children to be successful in everything they do– from his math tests and soccer games, to his college degree and career growth.
To help them succeed, we fill them with constant reminders, challenging questions, and heroic feats to rescue them when we see the risk of failure. This becomes a problem when you end up doing things for them without letting them go through their own process.
Rescuing children all the time does more harm than good.
Although your intentions will always be the best, you cannot be there all the time. We all want our children to be happy and feel good about themselves and their accomplishments, but doing the work for them only makes them grow up with fear of failure and no tolerance for frustration.
When children do not experience what it is to fail, lose the opportunity to learn from their mistakes what makes them not learn to improve for the future. This also causes them to lose the confidence in themselves to take risks and they will not bravely face their problems nor will they be ready for the disappointments that inevitably come with adulthood.
Somehow you will be deceiving them because they will think that things always go well when they do not.
According to Jennifer Hartstein, a family psychologist and contributor to NBC’s The Today Show, “Children who are constantly rescued from troublesome situations will come to avoid situations in which they could fail. As they get older, that can increase anxiety and depression when they need to depend on themselves in difficult situations. ”
Failure is a necessary component of success NOT its opposite.
According to experts, our brains grow and develop in important ways every time we fail. When children understand this concept, incredible things can happen for them and for you as a mother too.
When your kids experience failure, you need to help them assess what went wrong and how they can prevent it from happening again. Ask questions about why they think they didn’t pass the test or didn’t get the points in the game. Don’t underestimate their knowledge of what is happening in their environment.
Talk about your feelings. Help your children identify the emotions they are feeling and express them in an acceptable way.
Be an example of how to handle failure gracefully. Remember that your children observe how you respond to situations in your own life. It’s okay to share your disappointment, but it’s important to show them how you learn from these experiences.
Don’t pressure them. Give them activities and goals appropriate to the interests and abilities that match their age. Too often we can lose our way by waiting too long for our children. Relax and stop wanting to master those extraordinary skills right from the start. Always motivate them but don’t pressure them to excel in everything for your work to be valid.
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