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Over 50 COLUMN – Sex? Maybe next leap year again

The woman stands at the door in boots and cloaks.

The child calls: “Are you coming, papa?”

I’m sitting at the laptop in sweatpants and ask in astonishment: “Where are you going?”

“KIE-FER-ORTO-PÄDE!” Says the woman. “Braces! You drive us there, you pick us up. We have discussed it a thousand times! “

Over 50 is such an unfair age. One is constantly confronted with baseless accusations that one has forgotten something terribly important.

***

In the car I murmur defiantly: “Never heard of the appointment!” The child pulls out his cell phone: “It’s even in the family calendar.”

I prefer to hide the fact that I lost the password for this app months ago and start a diversionary maneuver: “For that I can remember other things fantastically. For example leap years. They are every 4 years, then not every 100 years, but every 400 Years after all. Anyone who has such important things in mind will simply lack free hard disk space elsewhere. ” The child is impressed. The woman just rolls her eyes.

***

I deliver the girls to the orthodontist. In return, I am told to get fresh rolls for dinner.

While strolling through the mall, I stumbled upon a second-hand vinyl record shop, where after a bit of browsing I bought a rare edition of Pink Floyd’s “Wish You Were Here”. Pressed in purple vinyl! When I leave the shop with the precious booty, the baker only has yesterday’s bread.

***

The child is in bed. After the crispbread disaster at dinner, I try to create a more relaxed atmosphere, uncork a red wine and light a candle to the psychedelic sounds of “Shine On, You Crazy Diamond”.

The attempt to massage the woman’s neck while courting tender words in her ear fails miserably. “Try again next leap year,” she snorts in a bad mood and leaves the living room.

I call after her triumphantly: “29. February 2024. You’d better put it in your calendar, otherwise you’ll forget it again! “

* Leif Lasse Andersson is a book author (“Planlos between Pandemie and Plauze”), BILD columnist and a pseudonym. Email him at [email protected]

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